Star Trek Humor – Captain Redneck – at the Wolfe Den


Your Starship Captain Might be a Redneck if…

your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month

he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles

you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"

he refers to Klingons as "Critters"

he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"

he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil

he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section

he says, "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"

he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen

he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle

he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it

he says, "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"

he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser

he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"

he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"

he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens

he paints the starship John Deere green

he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"

he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"

his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale

he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"

his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls

he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge

his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol’ XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies

he sets phaser to "Cajun"


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